Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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