Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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