My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
