You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
