I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
