i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Randomize
