i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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