My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
