Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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