Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
