The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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