you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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