i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
