i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
