WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
