Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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