It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
