we're chasing vodka with high fives
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
