If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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