omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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