I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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