So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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