Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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