even my farts smell like vagina
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
