highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
