I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
