Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My legs feel like baby dolphins
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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