I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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