i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
