I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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