so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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