Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have post one night stand depression
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