Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
