I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
