best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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