There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So many bounce houses so little time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
