You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
