She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
