1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
