You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
