Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
