drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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