it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
