I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
