How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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