i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
