I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
