How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
