Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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