I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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