I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
